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Protect Me From What I Want

by Shinra Knives

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I'll Talk 04:52


"The phrase ‘Protect Me From What I Want’ comes from a Jenny Holzer piece that has resonated with me for a long time now. I can’t speak to her intent in conceptualizing it, but I always likened it to connecting to another person for safety: having someone who loves you to keep you alive. The idea that one could reach a level of indulgence into something so strong that they need help exercising restraint always frightened me. This ep is about falling in love with someone in that space, and losing yourself trying to fight their demons for them. Co-inhabiting a mutually destructive space alongside someone who’s navigating through a greater turmoil than you’re equipped to deal with, and not being strong enough to pull away when it damages you.

The last track on the ep, ‘I Can’t Live Like This’, is the moment of recognition that existing this way isn’t sustainable. It’s when you finally understand that you cannot heal alongside this person, but leaving their side feels like a betrayal; it’s dooming them to collapse under their own vices without you. Relinquishing that love and still being unable to let go. Within that moment of revelation, the hopelessness can feel infinite.

I don’t occupy that space presently, but I have multiple times in the past, and my lack of insight into how I ever left that space is terrifying to me, because it makes me feel like I don’t know how to avoid returning to it with someone new. It’s a disheartening cycle to be potentially caught in.

The cover and accompanying video were created utilizing both machine learning and Photoshop/After Effects."

— Shinra Knives


released February 7, 2023

Written & produced by Ian Jones
Mastered by Precise
Released into the wild via YUKU


all rights reserved



Shinra Knives St. Louis, Missouri

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